Conversations with Thor & Friends finally Took their Toll

May 24, 2019

Got a mullet today. Image is everything.
Spending all my income on lottery tickets. Gonna make a some serious dough some day.
Took off my muffler. I like to show my manliness.
Renovating the heck out of the house I rent. Maybe the landlord will be impressed and lower my rent!
Turned off my Internet – heck – I got Fox News what else do I need!?!
Working on a new psy trance sampling Achy Breaky Heart.
Seeking out processed foods, a lot of meats from factories.
Also drinking and smoking a lot. I smoke bong hits of ground up Newports while watching Fox News and wear a beer hat. In bed. With a bucket of day old KFC on the bedstand. Bedstand, yeah I use furniture I’m not a heathen.

I went full Apple. Macbook, Iphone – everything. Must support their ecosystem. [ed. note – ok that’s a troll]
Ranting on facebook about how festival organizers are cheap, women are bitches and abortion is murder. If I dont have sex, no one has sex. And the few friends I have left, I like to play a game with them. You get in a circle and go around talking about what you hate most about each person.
Old Testament God is back in my life, but Scientology looks tempting.
Starting to think Trump and Breitbart make sense. Pushing my white privilege into as many minorities faces as obnoxiously possible, especially those who prepare my food while I’m not looking,
Put on a bumper sticker that says “A Good Cop is a Dead Cop.” Next to…

After almost dying from huffing, I decided to play it safe and just got into meth and heroin, I think both are valuable additions to the trance community. I should give them a chance. None of this snorting silliness, I deserve needles. And because I like lootboxes and RNG in video games, I treat the amount I shoot up as a random amount. The best way to honor the memory of friends who have OD’d is to see how close you can go before OD’ing.
Quit my job, decided to deal drugs full time. Set up a meth lab in my front yard. My kids sell it at their lemonade stand (see below)
Nietzsche said, whatever doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.
At this rate I will be Superman by Dec 31st!

Florida Man caught selling Meth-addled Juice from Treehouse

GASTONIA, Florida –

Gaston County resident, Dan Covan, 92, was arrested yesterday on felony charges of manufacturing and distributing homemade “energy drinks” containing the powerful stimulate methamphetamine. The Gaston County drug task force raided Covan’s tree fort (Covan lives in 200 sq. ft. tree fort on his brother’s property near Chapel Grove) to find Covan wearing only an adult diaper and reading a Mexican pornographic magazine.

Police seized approximately 25 2 liter bottles of Covan’s “energy drink” found in a cinder block pump house on the South Gastonia property. The bottles tested positive for methamphetamine.

Covan came under suspicion when he sold four bottles to several Hunter Huss High School girls who hours later were checked into Gaston Memorial Hospital with internal bleeding. The girls parents phoned Gaston County authorities.

A police report contained several statements from Covan:

“They’re just energy drinks like RedBull or Monster. It’s not meth in there. It’s just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn’t put meth in there.”

Customers would come to Covan’s Gastonia home to buy the energy drinks for $20 per bottle. One customer spoke on the condition of anonymity:

“I’m shocked Dan put crank in his energy drinks. I didn’t know nothing about that. I just knew they worked good to keep me awake for a couple days. Stuff way better than Monster [energy drink].”

Hours after Covan’s first statement, he confessed:

“Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they’ll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle.”

Covan also faces child endangerment charges in Gaston County for ‘poisoning’ the girls who drank his homemade concoction.

Ed. note: This is all parody. Dan Covan is a great guy and thoughtful individual.

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https://www.wafb.com/story/9853639/man-arrested-for-allegedly-making-pimp-juice