Benedict Arnold is a good man.

Benedict Arnold is a good man. A successful businessman. A Revolutionary War hero. He comes from a prominent Rhode Island family. We need a non-politician to shake things up and drain the swamp down in Philadelphia. Someone who is rich and knows how to grease the system. We understand the Whigs and other traitor rabble are trying to bring this great man down. Pay them no heed. He is just “new at this” and inexperienced. Give him time to get seasoned like fine-aged cheese.
Accepting money from a foreign power is not a crime. A man has to do business am I right? Collusion is not a crime. So what he met with the British to discuss handing over West Point! It was just words and nothing came out of the meeting!
Let’s ask Benedict what he thinks!
“Let me tell you, it is all Crooked George Washington’s fault. He and his fat bracket-faced wife Betsy begged to come visit us at our Norwich estate but she was bleeding out of her whatever, which is too bad, cuz I really wanted to grab her right in the “crinkum-crankum.” So I said no! And he dabbles in that hemp he grows! Lock him up! I INVITE OUR BRITISH GENTLEMEN MASTERS TO COME FORTH WITH ANY DIRT ON ON CROOKED GEORGE.
Benjamin Franklin? Little Ben’s fake news is destroying the country. Poor Richard’s Almanack is trash. No one reads it! I use it for toilet paper.
Thomas Jefferson? Horny Tom is a Low-IQ loser That batchelor’s son…. ungodly man! He made merry with his slave! No wonder the Puritans love me!
These Culper spies spreading leaks to discredit my honor with letters they stole from my couriers? Those are the real traitors!! Hang them all and end the witch hunt!!
Declaration of Independence? What crap is that? So, they are calling for revolution. Interesting way to condone the violence against the Crown while trying to sound “patriotic”! Your implications are clear!
And King George III? He is a high quality person. He knows how to run a country! And he knows fencing! I’ll believe him over any Whig!! It is time to move forward on mending fences with England.
Finally, let me tell you, we need to shut down Harvard. Colleges have no place in the Colonies. They are just pumping out antimonarchists, Indian lovers, sodomists, troublemakers, paid protesters and worst of all… books!”
#MakeTheColoniesGreatAgain
#TheRedcoatsAreComingAndTheyAreOurFriends