Updated 3 years ago
“I’VE HAD FUCKING ENOUGH,” New York native Dan Covan screamed, ensconced atop the Empire State Building. “Subways are shit, deBlasio ain’t doing shit, Weed isn’t legal yet, and Trump is still president. What fucking dark reality did we get in to? I want out. But I’m taking all the assholes with me.”
Possibly emulating Taxi Driver or the Joker, Dan shaved his head except for a little curly pompador on top. “That lets ’em know I mean business,” he reportedly told the confused barber.
After taking out enough people to fill three L train subway cars yelling “Gun Control? I’ll give you Gun Control!”, Dan finally agreed to surrender. “I’ve done my piece,” he said. “But we are many. We are legion. Hint to all my liberal friends: move out of Trump Tower.”
Covan would not elaborate, instead shoving a Shpongle CD at the reporter. “Just listen to it, it’s good, ” he remarked, while waving his hand like Obi Wan.
SATIRE
