Updated 3 years ago ago
As I have written many memorials by now, with presumably, many more to come, and I have wasted too much time dealing with a couple hysterical individuals who were angry at me for including cause of death of their friends. YOU DON’T HAVE THE DEATH CERTIFICATE, they say.
As if that really matters.
Obviously, privacy and respect for the grief of the family must be respected, but it does fans, friends, family and their greater social circles a huge disservice by not disclosing cause of death.
Because here’s how it actually plays out:
Common sense tells anyone that people are obviously going to ask and wonder, and if it’s omitted, then it must be bad – worse than people openly speculating, worth leaving everyone in the lurch – and add in the creeping dread, waiting for the inevitable reason. It’s fucking cruel.
In a vacuum, imagination is more powerful than reality. So everyone is like “No cause of death? Then it’s probably overdose (Fenanyl?) or suicide.” Accidental sex strangulation would obviously fit, but it’s just not that common.
To top it all off, it’s hard to really mourn if you don’t know how they died – it keeps it hypothetical and surreal.
Tragically, all this could have actually been addressed when they were alive. Don’t blame the messenger for your shit time management skills.
Finally, the people who are still alive need to know that some activities really are as deadly as people say they are. If I can save one life by being honest, it was all worth ruffling a few feelings.
