Updated 1 year ago
Where did this come from?
Originally found this in 1999 on the early Internet on a long-forgotten email list. An ancient meme. Also added a few, with a LOT of help in 2021 from the kindly historians in the Austin 80s Punk Scene Facebook group.
In the days before the Internet, when all you had were flyers printed out at Kinkos, a good name gave you extra legs and helped you stand out on the flyer.
Best: interesting, funny, and ideally offensive in some way. This happens to mostly mean punk bands. Most rock and metal bands (and rap) take/took themselves way too seriously and unironically. Punk has always been as crooked as Gavin Lance’s penis or a bag of snakes.
These are all real bands, you can find them all on the Internet, except for the three marked with an asterisk.
See bottom of page for further discussion.
The List
20,000 Leaks Under The Sink
A Boy Named Gomer
Agoraphobic Nosebleed
Alabama Thunder Pussy
Alameda County Death Cult
Albino Toilet Boys
Alcoholics Unanimous
Alcoholocaust
All the Old Austin Bands with Dog in their names
Amish Meth Lab
Anal Cunt (Songs include Even Though Your Culture Oppresses Women You Still Suck You Fucking Towelhead, You Were Too Ugly To Rape So I Just Beat The Shit Out Of You, Laughing While Leonard Peltier Gets Raped In Prison, I Sent A Thank You Card To The Guy Who Raped You)
Anal Pope
Andychrist
Angry Samoans
Apocalipstick
Apocalypse Hoboken
Armageddon Dildos
Ashtray Babyheads
Asshole Parade
Austin’s Assnipple
Baby Dick
Baby Got Bacteria
Bad Posture
Band Over
Band That Shot Liberty Valence
Barbara’s Bush
Barefoot Hockey Goalie
Barnyard Slut
Bathtub Shitter
Ben Wa and the Blue Balls
Bernie the Trailer Park Queen and the Deadbeat Dads
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
Bi-Polar Bears
Billy Idol Tendencies
Black Trenchcoat Mafia
Bleau Chunks
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggets
Bodysnatchers
Bonerama
Bongwater
Boss Hog
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Breakfast in Beruit
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Bring Me the Head of Jerry Garcia
Buck Naked and the Bare Bottom Boys
Bulimia Banquet
Buster Hymen & the Penetrators
Butt Trumpet
Butthole Surfers
Caltransvestites
Campo de Mayo (Argentinian Death Camp)
Cannibal Corpse
Cap’n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Captain Cardiac And The Coronaries
Carnage Asada
Cat Butt
Celibate Rifles
Cerebral Ballzy
Cheetah Chrome Motherfuckers
Chiches Christ
Chiclets
Chief Brody & the Bigger Boat
Cindy Brady’s Lisp
Circle Jerks
Cock and Ball Torture
Cocklacoma
Colostomy Grab-Bag
Cortizone 5
Cottage Cheese from the Lips of Death
Crapulence
Crispy Ambulance
Crucifucks
Diarrhea Anne Frank
Diarrhea Planet
Dexy’s Midnight Runners
Dick Cheese and the Crackers
Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles
Dick Gas 5
Dicky Retardo
Dogshit Rangers
Dow Jones and the Industrials
Drew Barrymore’s Dealer
Drunk on Sunday
Drunk Injuns
Drunks With Guns
Dukes of Hazardous Material
Ed Gein’s Car
Edith Head
Electric Prostates
Ellen Degenerates
Elvis Hitler
El Vez
Emerson, Lake and Dahmer
Endangered Feces
Engorged Members
Ethyl Merman
Ex Pistos
Explosive
Fartbarf
Fat White Family
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Fields of Shit
Filthy Christians
Flux of Pink Indians
Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
Four Out of Five Doctors
Four Way Anal Touch Fight
Fromage d’Amour
Front Butt
Fuck On The Beach
Fuck Work
Fuck the Facts
Fudge Tunnel
Fugazi
Garage Atrios
Gaza Strippers
Gay for Johnny Depp
Gay Sportscasters
Gefelte Joe and the Fish
Geraldo’s Broken Nose
George Donner and The Long Pigs
Girl Scout Handgrenade
Gonoreagan
HIV and the Positives
Habitual Sex Offenders
Hard-drinkin’ Housewives
Headless Marines
Hell Camino
Henrietta Collins And The Wifebeating Childhaters
Herpes Cineplex
Hickoids
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler’s Bikini
Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Honkytonk Homeslice
Hornets Attack Victor Mature
I Am the World Trade Center
I Got Shot By Dick Cheney
I Killed the Prom Queen
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
If Pigs Could Talk Would You Still Eat Them
If You Don’t Order Food You Have To Leave
Impaled Nazarenes
Impotent Sea Snakes
Infant Annihilator
Inhale Mary
Invertebrates
Iron Prostate
JFKFC
Jack Officers
Janitors Against Apartheid
Jefferson Starfish
Jehovah’s Waitresses
Jehovah’s Wetness
Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program
Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine
Jerry Seinfeld’s Atrophied Sac
Jerry’s Kids
Jesus Christ Super Fly
Jesus Chrysler Supercar
Jesus Manson and the Starvation Army
Joan of Arkansas
Jodie Foster’s Army
John Cougar Concentration Camp
John Denver’s Co-Pilot
John Wayne Gacy’s Clown Car
Jonestown Punch
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Kerrigan’s Knees
Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jew Boys
Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat
Kitchens of Distinction
Kool and the Gangbangers
Krupted Peasant Farmerz
Lack of Afro
Lance Armstrong and the One Ballers
Lavay Smith and The Red Hot Skillet Lickers
Lawn Piranhas
Lee Harvey Keitel
Legionnaire’s Disease
Lesbian Ninjas
Let’s Eat Grandma
Liquid Mice
Locos Gringos
Lords of Acid
Los Mex Pistols
Louder Than God
Lubricated Goat
Lying Bitch and the Restraining Orders (out of Denver)
Lynyrd’s Innards
Madonna’s Pap Smear*
Man or Astroman
Manorexia
Mao Tse Helen
Mary Kay and the Cosmetics
Mary Tyler Morphine
Master Musicians of Bukkake
Maufrais
Max Roach and the Holders
MC 900 Foot Jesus
Meat Cave
Meat Curtains
Meat Joy
Meat Puppets
Meat Wave
Mega Smegma
Melodious Thunk
Midget Handjob
Millions of Dead Christians
Minnie Pearl’s Jam
Moist Fist
Mr. Happy and the Genocides
Muscle Bitches
Mussolini Headkick
My Dog Has Hitler’s Brain
My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult
Nashville Pussy
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head
Nate Nocturnal and the Nightly Emissions
Nervous Christians and the Lions
Nigel Pepper Cock
Niggaz Wit Attitude
Nipples of ISIS (Nola)
Norman Bates and the Shower Heads
Not Drowning, Waving
O.L.D. (Old Lady Drivers)
Oedipus Rex and the Motherfuckers
Oklahomos
Our Manager Told Us That Our Band Name Was Too Long and Difficult to Remember and That We Had to Change it So After a Long Brainstorming Session We Came Up With This One Because All the Other Ones Sucked
Pabst Smear
Panty Pizza
Pearl Harbor and the Explosions
Pee Hole
Penis DeMilo
Pepto Dismal
Pet Shop Boys
Peter Pants
Phenobarbidols
Pissed Off Postmen
Phlegm Fatale
Pocket FishRmen
Porno for Pyros
Poultry in Motion
Power Snatch
Po’ White Trash & The Trailer Park Symphony
Pretentious Flamedogs
Propagandhi
Prostitute Disfigurement
Psychic Buddhist Gorillas
Psycho Sluts from Hell
Public Enema
Public Humiliation
Pungent Frustration
Purple Headed Love Warriors
Pussy Galore
Pussy Riot
Puthy
Quasimodo and the Eunuchs
Queef Latina
Queen Penis
Raging Pimps of Doom
Rapeman
Rectal Nightmare
Reluctant Stereotypes
Reserectum
Results of Inbreeding
Retarted Elf
Reverb Motherfuckers
Rich Kids on LSD with Josh Brolin
Roger’s PornCollection
Roid Rogers and the Whirling Butt Cherries
Ryan Retardondo and the Get Down Syndrome
Sandy Duncan’s Eye
Schlong
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
Scratch Acid
Screaming Headless Torsos
Screaming Iguanas of Love
Screaming Moist Accountants
Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her
Semen Crust
Septic Death
Seven Year Bitch
Sexcellent
Sex Pistols
Shannon and the Clams
Sharon Tate’s Baby
Shirley Temple Pilots
Shirley Temple of Doom
Shot Down in Ecuador Jr. (Mary Tyler reference)
Shitty Beatles
Simulated Orgasms [Simulerte Orgasmer]
Sissy Boy Slap Party
Skatenigs
Skeptic Tank
Slores (Slutty Old Whores)
Slutvomit
Slut Patrol
Smegma & the Nuns
Smokin’ Suckaz Wit Logic
Smorgasborgnine
Snotrokitz
Sodom & Gomorrah Liberation Front
Solosex
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Soothing Sounds For Baby
Sorry About Your Daughter
Spastic Colon
Squat Thrust
Stately Wayne Manor
Stiff Richards
Stukas Over Bedrock
Success Will Write Apocalypse Across The Sky
Suicide Commandoes
Swingin’ Johnsons
Technicolor Yawns
Ted Bundy’s Volkswagen
Temporary Darkening of the Stool
Test Icicles
Testostertones
Tex Pistols of Satantonio
Thanatopsis Throne
Thank God We’re Immortal
The 4 Nikators
The 4-Skins
The Babyshakers
The Bambi Molesters
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
The Bowel Movement
The Boxing Gandhis
The Child Molesters
The Cro-Mags
The Cumbucket
The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
The Dead Kennedys
The Dead Milkmen
The Dead Sea Squirrels
The Dick Clarks
The Dick Nixons
The Dicks
The Forest Gump High Mile Marathon
The French are from Hell
The Fuckemos
The Fucking Champs
The House That Gloria Vanderbilt
The Insult That Made a Man Out of Mac
The Kids Who Never Learned How to Colour Inside of the Lines
The Leave It To Beaver Conehead Immolation
The Meat Shits
The Morning Shakes
The Motards
The Nipple 5
The Nipple Erectors
The Pancakes with Cheese
The Pro-Midget Mafia
The Raging Woodies
The Revolting Cocks
The Self Righteous Brothers
The Shamu Afterbirth Orchestra
The Shitty Beatles
Someone and the Somebodies
The Sound of Munich
The Sphinctones
The String Cheese Incident
The Telephony Bandits of Doom
The Texas Nazis
The The
The Three Tards
The Tony Danza TapDance Extravaganza [Extravadanza!?!]
The Velcro Pygmies
The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black
The Well Hungarians
The Yeasty Girls
They Tried To Frame OJ
Three Dog Orgy
Three Dong Night
Three Lesbian Folksingers
Titty Bongo
To Live and Shave in LA
Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza
Toxic Shock and the Tampons
Tracy & the Hindenburg Ground Crew
Tragic Mulatto
Transsexual Hitler
Trotsky Icepick
Trouser Trout
Uncle Bad Touch
Uncle Bob Touched me
Uncle Dickie’s Shameless Quickies
Unfuckables
United Mutation
Unrequited Hard-On.
Unstoppable Kamikaze Iditos
Vaginal Davis
Vaginal Defecation
Vaginal Penetration of an Amelus with a Musty Carrot
ValiumDictorians
Vampirates
Vic Morrow’s Head
Violators
Violent Femmes
Wank for Peace
War Boner
Was (Not Was)
Watermelon Pussy Pie
We Butter the Bread with Butter
We Go to 11
When People Were Shorter and Lived Near the Water
Whorehouse of Representatives
Willie Nelson Mandela
Winona Ryders
Wisker Biscuit
Yeast Infected Mushroom Village People*
Yoko Homo
You’ve got Foetus on your Breath
Zoogz Rift
’57 Lesbian
*Not real
A Note on Criteria
There’s always a chance that a band name is a historical reference that only a Gen Xer would get. I am one of the older Gen Xers, but some might even be more obscure or regional, or even a little before me, cuz some a LOT of young Boomers caught the 70s punk wave and are still somewhat still alive.
Without overthinking this, some of these recommendations, I didn’t put in. The name needs to have the aroma of a cheap joke. Many great bands that all my friends treasured are too solidly named to qualify.
Prime example: Agony Column. I remember the bass player Crow. Long black hair, really nice dude. They played for us anarchists once on the east mall in the middle of the day with naked people. I didn’t add them in because this is just about funny/offensive names and not meant to be an exhaustive list of Austin bands, which would definitely be worthy of a future list. I keep pruning it cuz I found there’s a few other lists out there that have kept this meme alive, some with just the pruned old list and but some with a lot more names but a lot of unfunny ones, and it felt really watered down and mediocre. Case in point – Skinny Puppy? I fucking love them. But not too offensive, witty or funny, just sad and pathetic L O L
Your first urge should be to laugh at the name.
Same went for say Doctors Mob (if there’s a meaning there and I don’t get it, I doubt many will on first glance), Glass Eye, Echo and the Bunnymen, Timbuk 3, Do Dat, etc.
It’s all subjective of course. I also went thru Death Metal bands and they were generally just serious-sounding drama queeny. Same for all the other genres. Electronic was the most unfun, pompous, pretentious, serious-sounding sack of shit for names.
Which brings us to a realization, a universal truth about punk. Something about it, the rebellion against all norms, make it the main reservoir of funny/interesting/offensive names. Something at the core of the punk ethos gives them a sense of humor and lack of pompousness that other genres lack.
