Why Californians coming to Texas is Good

Updated 2 years ago

10 Reasons Californians coming to Texas is a Great Thing

1. They will improve the quality of burritos, chili etc with new flavors such as alfalfa and pine nuts.

2. They will make it more comfortable to become homeless. We should not home shame. Additionally, all the homeless in LA and SF can be bused to Texas, dropped in stochastic fashion similar to the bombing of Dresden.

3. They will make sure state income tax gets in line with the rest of modern America

4. Hopefully they can change the culture to be more celebrity-focused. I’m hoping for a Kardashian Austin sequel. Austin is already home to many young Youtubers, hopefully, a TikTok presence will explode too.

5. The rents are too low overall, especially in small towns. As the Californians squeeze out older Texans from the cities, the small towns will take the overflow and rents will rise to a more West Coast level. The rising rents will create more homeless (see #2)

6. Basically gas is bad. The influx of Californians will help make gas illegal and the only acceptable car will be electric. Anyone who disagrees can be held in camps in West Texas Walmarts. A monorails system connecting every town pop. 500+ will be started but never finished.

7. “Cowboy” is a sexist term. Hopefully, the influx of Californians will help change the name to Dallas Cowpeople.

8. All Whatburgers will be changed to In-N-Out burgers. Older native Texans don’t understand quality.

9. Jalapenos will be outlawed. The potential harm of eating a green pepper is too great. Just stick with the safer alfalfa.

10. Prisons provide jobs. So all the California inmates can be sent to Texas to be incarcerated. Huntsville’s gates can be opened and it can be like Woodstock. Then, it can become a re-education camp for more “native” Texans to learn to re-adjust to life after their guns are seized and churches burned down. The burned-down churches can become ritual safe spaces for those who have been traumatized by jalapeno peppers.

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